Odd Things Happen

... said the boy, and I have to agree with him. So he's got some dreadful chest/skin lergie and the good doctor's given him some pink medicine. And he's been quite painful to "spoon-feed".

He got the medicine on Friday and there's still half a bottle left, and each mouthful costs us some chocolate orange or maltesers (expensive stuff!). But it's the only way he can be co-ersed into drinking the stuff.

Now after getting on his case for the past couple of days about it, I accidently tried some of it. And let's just say that my little boy's a bigger man than I am - because it's the worst flavoured stuff I've tasted in years, truly foul!!

So how come they can make any number of flavours of ice-cream and disguise Soya into alsorts of things, and yet make kid's medicine taste so crap? All I can say is I am glad it's not me!!

... Well I predictied it a couple of weeks back but Golumn is now no more. Went to feed the fish this morning and there he is upside down at the bottom of the tank looking, well... dead. So whilst the kids watched Little Red Tractor this afternoon it was a quick water change and a solo game of "catch the dead frog". So Golumn's now in the wheelie bin awaiting next week's trip to the local landfill.

So end of an era because I must have had my little white albeno for at least four years or so...

Boys and girls are wired differently aren't they? I hadn't really appreciated that until I had one of each, but since then it's obvious that they are.

A case in point is the popular topic of "gun culture". Now last Sunday the kids and I played a game of "Monsters", we seem to play that a lot: the kids creaping around than screaming and running away when they see the monster (usually me).

We played two games of this the second one outside, but the first one started with mum being the monster and then (because she was busy) me turning into it. Now when I became the monster I was in the shower, but this didn't seem to affect the game.

And so we played, the first couple of times when they came into the bathroom and ran away when I rawed, you could here my little girl shouting out the orders that the needed to protect the children (teddies) and get them away from the monster quickly. Not being sexist, this is just something my little boy wouldn't do on his own, but my girl does the girlie-role-play thing. So that's fine.

Then later (me in the process of getting out of the shower), they run away with my girl issuing the same "look after the children" command. But this time my little boy shouts "no, I will shoot the monster with my gun...". And into the bathroom he comes, fingers loaded and... bang, bang... the monster's been shot.

My boy is three-and-a-half, I've never played "guns" with him, nor to the best of my knowledge has any of our immediate family. And I am pretty certain that the childminder hasn't, so I guess it's something he's picked up from play school.

I am not totally anti kids role playing the gun thing, after all I still have pretty vivid memories of me playing "War" at school amongst other things, and have seen pictures of me in my full cowboy suite with pistols blazing.

It's the gender-wiring thing, that really struck me. Boys and girls are different, aren't they?

So he's only three-and-a-half, but he is cantankerous! We (me, him and my girl) went to her swimming lesson on Saturday morning and then to the Clark's shoe shop.

By the time we got to the shop he was quite tired, and by the time somebody bothered to serve us (got gazzumped by some woman wishing to exchange a pair of shoes) he was beside himself.

So my girl gets measured and they don't have any school shoes in her size!??? And then he's measured and they don't have any shoes (Doodles) in his size either!!!! And he apparently doesn't want Doodles, he wants new trainers (which he doesn't need) and is a royal pain in the bum during the failed try on session - howling the place down. Eventually we cut our losses, buying nothing but leaving our number for them to ring us when they've got stock in.

Come Sunday morning, a phone call - they've got both kids' shoes in! Hurray, so I tell them and the girl's up for it - and so is the boy(?!) except he's still talking about trainers. So in the afternoon we go, she tries her's on, they fit and she's happy. Now the fun... because the assistant brings out the wrong pair of Doodles (wanted green with bugs on, not blue and stripey). Oh dear I think and tell her that these are wrong. She says oh it'll take a little while to get the others, I don't care/mind because he doesn't really need these yet. But she says try them on. So he does. No screaming abdabs. "Never mind" he says, "we can get the others tomorrow". And that's it he wants these blue ones and wont take them off his feet.

So I buy both pairs, he makes sure the assistent puts his (old) trainers in the box and a bag for him and the job's a good 'un. We can go home after a simple, pleasant shopping experience. I needed to remind myself that this was the same boy that went purple not 24 hours previously...

Okay so Toby's on the cucumber and dandilion diet! Not one for you or I but at least he's eating and he's putting on weight. But... Golumn is doing the opposite. He used to be what you could politely say is on the large side of obese, but now he's on the sharp-and-pointy-bonie side of annorexic! A life of two extremes!!

He got obese because he was "slightly" retentive, but now he clearly doesn't eat anything. Perhaps he doesn't like his current suroundings and is on hunger strike... I don't know, but I do know he looked a lot more healthy when he was round. My guess is he'll die soon...

What am I talking about? Rubbish really, except Toby's our tortoise and Golumn is our albeno aquatic frog who's about 4 years old.

I went to Gloucester this weekend with the head and assistant head coaches of Buxton swim club for my first masters swimming competition (see other blog for gory details).

En route we talked about alsorts of things and one was a certain amount of bitterness from Gary. He's a personal trainer by profession, of which part of his job is coaching the kids. The other (more significant in terms of livelyhood) part is personal training for a variety of clients. Now what gets on his back is people who treat him like !@"£, those who ring up 10 minutes before their appointment and say sorry I can't come because (God I don't know they're having their toe nails cut). It's not that they don't show up, but it's that most neither plan a head nor expect to renumerate him for his wasted hour...

I don't understand, may be that's because how I was brought up, but sometimes you clearly can't turn up when expected at short notice. But I would always honour my debts in those cases - because it's somebody else's livelyhood. Now in Gary's case most people who offer to pay for missed sessions, he either waves his fee, or accepts half (mostly the former), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't offer does it?

Spring is here and summer will soon be upon us. Which means people will be looking for the next fad diet to try out to loose those pounds for the beach.

Well I've a diet for you: cucumber and dandilion leaves. If you do it right it looks like you actually "bulk up", because that's what is happening to Toby.

But before you try this new fad, you'd best be aware that Toby is our anorexic African spur-thighed tortoise. He wasn't allowed to hibernate last year because he was severly under weight. Well even though he didn't "hibernate" (live in a box in the garage) he did sleep through a lot of the winter in the corner of the "utility" room. Any how during the Easter break I decided that he should wake up, and so did he. Now he doesn't like his "greens" which is a problem - because that's what he should eat. So in despiration I looked in our "how to feed your tortoise" panflet and it said amongst other things cucumber. So I tried it and it's the dish of the anorexic tortoise. And I weighed him on Saturday and... he'd put on 70g (5% of his bodyweight)!!

The main draw-back: very toxic, rather-runny green poo... I know too much information. I just need it to get a few degrees warmer and he can go and live outside.

This week the kid's have done a stop over with my folks (very exciting). The night before, I went into my girls bedroom and told her that we had to get up early to pack and she had to help...

So come Tuesday morning (early) by some strange noise. I eventually work it out, it's my girl being "quite" and "helpful". She's creeping up and down stairs, getting plastic bags and filling them with toys and clothes and putting them beside our bed, within her hula-hoop!! And she's also considerate enough to pack a number of toys for the boy as well...

Make's me choke sometimes, she's such a sweetie...

Oh the joys of the internet. A chap at work found our recently published accounts on-line somewhere. Shall we say the comment at the end by the auditors was rather (no let's be honest incredably) damning... apparently no money in the pot... oh dear, feeling slightly depressed just now.

Lots of (very good) stuff's happened this Easter break - it's really been a blast. But probably the incident for me so far has been the phone incident.

We (all) went to my folks for easter dinner. Herself decided that she'd be the one drinking and hit the sherry early. So by lunch she was ahppily drunk (and got a bit worse). Any how in the afternoon she decided to go and "pay a call" (so to speak), and when I next saw her she was giggling in the half staggering against the wall. I asked what was up and she said she'd dropped her expensive work's phone down the loo! Apparently she heard a "plop" (I know too much information) and decided that it was the bleach block or something. Well it was the something! And now she's got a very knackered phone, I just want to know how she's going to explain this come Tuesday!

That was my girls parting comment this evening. She's tasked with writing an Easter diary for school, and I am conscious that she's supposed to practice a bit each day (hence the homework). So today she sat at the kitchen table and wrote about Monday through Wednesday. To be fair not a lot has happened in her world, so nothing really to report.

She decided just to write (for each day) who was at the child minders, along the lines of "On Monday Ryan and Josh were there". She read her three days to me and I said, that perhaps she should write that these kids were are Brenda's (aka childminder). The response, "Don't be silly daddy she (her teacher) doesn't know Brenda".

Which is fair enough and as good a reason as I can think for not including her!

... are truly excellent. I am really lucky, because I think most of my days are either pretty good, or better. But today really was an absolute pleasure.

It started at midnight, when after reading the riot act to my little lad (currently a true pain in the dark hours) he decided to sleep until 07:30 (big result). And then my good lady got up and did breakfast with the kids (bigger result, for me and the kids!).

And then we went to the local reservoir(?!) for a spin on our (their) scooters and to throw stones. And then lunch with two quite tired but very happy kids. Then the only downer, herself had to go and do work. But it was really sunny and we put the kiddie tent up in the front garden (back garden is almost perminent swap for 11 months of the year), and the girl played with her pixie/fair family stuff for an hour whilst I pushed the boy around in his car (which he's far too big for). Then we got into playing "monsters" (basically me wandering around roaring and occasionally picking up one or other over my shoulder.

Then a walk around the block, when the boy fell over and grazed his arm and lost the will to cope with the afternoon. So it was back home in tears and he recovered in front of the television with a packet of milky bar buttons abd a blanket. So me and the girl played catch for ages out the front (new world record of 83 catches between us!)

Then tea, bath, mum home, good story reading, communal clothes tidying and bed! Oh and the other thing that made this a top day was in the bath my girl put her face *in* *the* *water*!!!!!! Yesterday I caught her sticking her mouth in the water and blowing bubbles, so with a bit of encouragement got her blowing bubbles through her nose, and then with her goggles on in went her whole face!!! Oh the day I've been waiting for... Much rejoicing and pleanty of cuddles and stuff for my girlie! Ace!!!